Three months ago I sat in the grass at a gravesite we had purchased for our four year old. I cradled her in my arms, knowing she would die within days. At the time I thought nothing could be worse.
Today is Christmas. I cried most of the morning and then slept most of the afternoon. I was so absent. I wasn't the Christmas mom I used to be. I stopped being me when Aria died.
I guess I didn't realize that what I was going through in the pictures above was a blessing. I was holding my perfect child during her last days on earth. I was holding my child.
It was horrible. And I would give anything for the opportunity to do it all over again.